The little things we say

If someone wanted to give me $50 to describe my son with only one word I would not get the cash.  Could you describe your child in one word?  He is smart, precocious, athletic, energetic, strong, talkative, earnest, kind, mean, funny, fast, cute (like a super model) and so much more!  I am sensitive to his mood swings so today when they swung around a little I was concerned.

Our day was like any other..... Swim lessons, play at home, swim, ice skate when it's to hot to be outside.  All normal for us.  His energy level is greater than most three year olds!  We ate pretty good food regularly.  And no artificial colors!  And still he was just struggling sometimes to not be upset.  Then something strange happened.

He started playing TELEPHONE with Patrick.  They would pretend to call each other and be other people. I gave him an flip phone that he could use to make pretend calls on. Espen initiated most of the "calls".  And he usually had something "broken" and needed help fixing it.  It was while I was driving (they were both in back seat) that Espen made two "calls" that surprised me; the first one he said "Hello, don't worry I won't leave you.  I will be here." A few minutes later he said "Hi!  I've been missing you these last weeks.  When you be home?".  

I was so shocked that I quickly told my phone to make a note. It is insightful. He is verbalizing his feelings. And he does recognize loss and missing someone.  And most important he is sad. But what is an even greater problem is that he asked Patrick if he were leaving and was frightened of the response.  It will be concerning in 13 days how my little boy handles it.

And with all my years of study and experience and training there is not an easy solution or answer to this problem or issue. Because at the end of the day of course we will be seeing Anders again soon. And of course they will always be hugely part of the others life. And of course we will always have periods of separation.  So we (to steal something great) take it one day at a time and when we can't face that, we go minute by minute..... It is the best any of us can do....

Most importantly at the end of my day when my precious little boy is tucked into bed I go in, sit by his bed, touch him and tell him I love him. Daddy loves him and Anders loves him.  I tell him while he sleeps in hopes of him waking with it wiggling in his brain and finding comfort in the love.  It is my hope every night.