The RACE
It is my blog... sometimes the things that need said are not easy...
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At the beginning of this year I was certain I was headed to divorce court. I was unhappy in life. I wanted out of everything. We had forgotten how to do things together. We spent our time together more unhappy then happy. We each had "projects" but didn't try to do anything together. Everything made us grouchy with each other. The one thing we had together that we were determined to do right was Espen. And so life was miserable except for our little boy. The stress of parenting was magnetic and frustrating.
I said out loud I was ready to leave, through tears I told my family, and then something started to change. We actually started to talk. We talked about the hard stuff and the easy stuff. Things we had not talked about in a long time. We started to try to have fun together. We had to try to find things we both liked. It was easier for some years to just do things alone then together. We made it a point to not just talk about Espen. Just as much as we made it a point to not talk in front of Espen about the angry hurtful things. And I decided to stay. Because I married the man for life and because I loved him but I had stopped liking him. I decided to remember to like him. And he was determined to like me! And we put all of the hurt and anger on the table and dealt with it.
We started to do things together. Not just typical dates. Our projects became things we did together. We have built a fort, a garden, re-purposed furniture and we started to work out. It is fun and funny and good for the body and mind. We include Espen. Because we are a family. I wanted to run a few mud races and Doug joined me when possible. In April we decided we should take a vacation and just try to enjoy our family. As we were planning our summer I said I wanted to run the Tough Mudder. The biggest mud run of them all ~ 11 miles, special ops obstacles ~ it is HARD CORE! And Doug agreed to do it with me. We made plans & paid the fee! We started training together. And just like deciding again to be married we decided to just TRY... to do our best and try.
On September 21, I am super happy to report we did the TOUGH MUDDER TOGETHER. It was challenging physically. Mentally it was grueling. It was fun and the support out there was amazing. The course was designed to test every thing you think about yourself & your body but also to build a sense of community with total strangers. It was awesome and incredible. My family was there to watch us and Espen. We had the time of our lives from start to finish! We helped each other get there physically. We helped each other believe we could do it. We laughed. And even when I got hurt, we managed to limp along together to finish. The hardest challenges that made us face our big fears were nothing compared to the great sense of loss earlier in the year. I can only tell you the entire day was amazing!
The race and the things we accomplish in life are not about just finishing. It is about doing your best to do some hard things. It is about trying even when you feel like giving up. It is about finding that person you agree with most of the time and loving them. It is about speaking kindly to each other and finding the silver lining. It is about being present and doing things together. It is about communication and making each other heard. Our journey is not over. Our next TOUGH race will be coming up... we are making plans now.... Our team is strong, tough, loving and supportive and we will face many obstacles together both on an off the track!
**********************************************************
At the beginning of this year I was certain I was headed to divorce court. I was unhappy in life. I wanted out of everything. We had forgotten how to do things together. We spent our time together more unhappy then happy. We each had "projects" but didn't try to do anything together. Everything made us grouchy with each other. The one thing we had together that we were determined to do right was Espen. And so life was miserable except for our little boy. The stress of parenting was magnetic and frustrating.I said out loud I was ready to leave, through tears I told my family, and then something started to change. We actually started to talk. We talked about the hard stuff and the easy stuff. Things we had not talked about in a long time. We started to try to have fun together. We had to try to find things we both liked. It was easier for some years to just do things alone then together. We made it a point to not just talk about Espen. Just as much as we made it a point to not talk in front of Espen about the angry hurtful things. And I decided to stay. Because I married the man for life and because I loved him but I had stopped liking him. I decided to remember to like him. And he was determined to like me! And we put all of the hurt and anger on the table and dealt with it.
We started to do things together. Not just typical dates. Our projects became things we did together. We have built a fort, a garden, re-purposed furniture and we started to work out. It is fun and funny and good for the body and mind. We include Espen. Because we are a family. I wanted to run a few mud races and Doug joined me when possible. In April we decided we should take a vacation and just try to enjoy our family. As we were planning our summer I said I wanted to run the Tough Mudder. The biggest mud run of them all ~ 11 miles, special ops obstacles ~ it is HARD CORE! And Doug agreed to do it with me. We made plans & paid the fee! We started training together. And just like deciding again to be married we decided to just TRY... to do our best and try.
On September 21, I am super happy to report we did the TOUGH MUDDER TOGETHER. It was challenging physically. Mentally it was grueling. It was fun and the support out there was amazing. The course was designed to test every thing you think about yourself & your body but also to build a sense of community with total strangers. It was awesome and incredible. My family was there to watch us and Espen. We had the time of our lives from start to finish! We helped each other get there physically. We helped each other believe we could do it. We laughed. And even when I got hurt, we managed to limp along together to finish. The hardest challenges that made us face our big fears were nothing compared to the great sense of loss earlier in the year. I can only tell you the entire day was amazing!
The race and the things we accomplish in life are not about just finishing. It is about doing your best to do some hard things. It is about trying even when you feel like giving up. It is about finding that person you agree with most of the time and loving them. It is about speaking kindly to each other and finding the silver lining. It is about being present and doing things together. It is about communication and making each other heard. Our journey is not over. Our next TOUGH race will be coming up... we are making plans now.... Our team is strong, tough, loving and supportive and we will face many obstacles together both on an off the track! 
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