Perfectly Normal Life
I have been a mom for 4 + years. It has not always been a smooth ride. If you have looked at my blog in the past, you will have seen tales of glorious struggles and joys. Sometimes I wished I had a normal life. Tonight is one of those nights. But what is normal? I am certain if I were a social science teacher I would have students write about 'normal'.
Currently in our society, we base our whole existence off of what we see on popular television and social media. In that case I should be thinner, drive a better car, live in a bigger house, have a fast paced exhausting career, never yell or cry and have children who are content to be quiet. We judge our lives because of what we see reflected in others. We scan the highlights and pick out the best things and believe in our hearts that it is what we should aspire to. Life is so messy.
Tonight as I wish for 'normal' I am reminded that the word is just that... a word. While I wish for a child who is less active, a house that is cleaner, a washer that was not broken, a knee that I didn't jack up and for a night where we could just watch a prime time television show without hearing any dog barking or child screaming I know there is a parent out there someplace wishing for a child who spoke or a man wishing for a warm room to sit in or a teen wishing his parents could make a minute to hear him. I know there are people wishing for something else or something more. It doesn't make me wish any less... it just makes me appreciate what I do have.
Let me appreciate it for just a moment. I have a son who is adopted and is a blessing. He has the best mix of cultures and is beautiful. I have a son who has a sensory issue. He is never still or quiet. He talks non-stop and about serious things as much as silly. Tonight he smelled me and announced I smelled weird. Tonight he ate dinner on the couch while mostly standing on his head. He dipped pizza in ketchup and mustard and he drank hot chocolate with a straw. He played a balancing game with me and informed me that the little figures we were using were pirates and we needed to respect them. He has an imaginary friend and I had to make sure that both he & his friend saw the pictures in the books I was reading. This is perfect. Tonight I have a husband who is sick and in bed most of the day. Whose voice is a mere whisper. But who found the energy to put Espen to bed so I didn't have to and told me he loved me before he went back to bed. This too is perfect. I have a house that is solid but needs some work (always with owning a home). The washer needs repaired and the grass mowed one last time. The dishes are stacked neatly in the sink but I am to tired to do them. The floors are not clean, the laundry is a giant pile, the beds are never made. It is perfect. I have two dogs who bark at random and imaginary things and two cats who are as loud as the dogs. I shop on craigslist as much as I do on Amazon and that is perfect. I have some mom friends that inspire and encourage me, some "old" friend who amaze me with strength and some family that loves me unconditionally. And that is perfect.
And yet while I sit here alone in the dark I think I wish I had a normal life... Maybe what I wish for is quieter, neater, calmer. Or maybe I need adventure and excitement. I am not sure but right now.. this life is NORMAL for me. And it is exhausting and exciting. This is my roller coaster ride. It is the path of my journey. I wake up each day prepared for the unexpected and unusual. And I go to sleep at night amazed and exhausted. This is my normal. Where we don't wear shoes, the floors are sandy (yes even in NE), the coffee is always hot. Where we yell some, laugh a lot and dance silly. It is a normal with frosting globs on my pants, cookie crumbs on the couch, dog slobber on the floor and laundry on in piles. We dream big dreams, have a fairy garden, act like zombies, sing in public and have imaginary friends. Normally we arrive on time and smile often. We do our best to be good citizens and love each other. My normal is not the normal I see on tv... but I guess it is the normal I am supposed to have.
And when I wake up tomorrow, I will love my son and husband. I will be a good friend to those who need one. I will follow the path of the journey I am on and dream the big dreams. That is my normal. I will be happy in this moment and forget the rest....
Currently in our society, we base our whole existence off of what we see on popular television and social media. In that case I should be thinner, drive a better car, live in a bigger house, have a fast paced exhausting career, never yell or cry and have children who are content to be quiet. We judge our lives because of what we see reflected in others. We scan the highlights and pick out the best things and believe in our hearts that it is what we should aspire to. Life is so messy.
Tonight as I wish for 'normal' I am reminded that the word is just that... a word. While I wish for a child who is less active, a house that is cleaner, a washer that was not broken, a knee that I didn't jack up and for a night where we could just watch a prime time television show without hearing any dog barking or child screaming I know there is a parent out there someplace wishing for a child who spoke or a man wishing for a warm room to sit in or a teen wishing his parents could make a minute to hear him. I know there are people wishing for something else or something more. It doesn't make me wish any less... it just makes me appreciate what I do have. Let me appreciate it for just a moment. I have a son who is adopted and is a blessing. He has the best mix of cultures and is beautiful. I have a son who has a sensory issue. He is never still or quiet. He talks non-stop and about serious things as much as silly. Tonight he smelled me and announced I smelled weird. Tonight he ate dinner on the couch while mostly standing on his head. He dipped pizza in ketchup and mustard and he drank hot chocolate with a straw. He played a balancing game with me and informed me that the little figures we were using were pirates and we needed to respect them. He has an imaginary friend and I had to make sure that both he & his friend saw the pictures in the books I was reading. This is perfect. Tonight I have a husband who is sick and in bed most of the day. Whose voice is a mere whisper. But who found the energy to put Espen to bed so I didn't have to and told me he loved me before he went back to bed. This too is perfect. I have a house that is solid but needs some work (always with owning a home). The washer needs repaired and the grass mowed one last time. The dishes are stacked neatly in the sink but I am to tired to do them. The floors are not clean, the laundry is a giant pile, the beds are never made. It is perfect. I have two dogs who bark at random and imaginary things and two cats who are as loud as the dogs. I shop on craigslist as much as I do on Amazon and that is perfect. I have some mom friends that inspire and encourage me, some "old" friend who amaze me with strength and some family that loves me unconditionally. And that is perfect.
And yet while I sit here alone in the dark I think I wish I had a normal life... Maybe what I wish for is quieter, neater, calmer. Or maybe I need adventure and excitement. I am not sure but right now.. this life is NORMAL for me. And it is exhausting and exciting. This is my roller coaster ride. It is the path of my journey. I wake up each day prepared for the unexpected and unusual. And I go to sleep at night amazed and exhausted. This is my normal. Where we don't wear shoes, the floors are sandy (yes even in NE), the coffee is always hot. Where we yell some, laugh a lot and dance silly. It is a normal with frosting globs on my pants, cookie crumbs on the couch, dog slobber on the floor and laundry on in piles. We dream big dreams, have a fairy garden, act like zombies, sing in public and have imaginary friends. Normally we arrive on time and smile often. We do our best to be good citizens and love each other. My normal is not the normal I see on tv... but I guess it is the normal I am supposed to have.
And when I wake up tomorrow, I will love my son and husband. I will be a good friend to those who need one. I will follow the path of the journey I am on and dream the big dreams. That is my normal. I will be happy in this moment and forget the rest....
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