BAD MOOD
I woke up in the foulest mood today. There is not a single space in the house that is totally unpacked & decorated & peaceful. I am without a space to call my own. For some reason it is uber important to me to have a space that is free of boy stuff, dogs & cats. And my studio is on hold ~ funds have run dry for now. Of course it was the LAST space we got to and the one we have to wait on. I am without my Latrice.... and you know who she is! That is frustrating on a day like today. So my foul mood just was hateful. I decided I hated it here, hated the house, the community... just almost everything. And I cried. And cried. And then I was conned... we went to Sears for a vacume & lawnmower.... OH yea.. I said there was no money for my studio but it seems there is money for a freaking vacume... OMG..... well I've had hard wood floors for all these last years & didn't have a vacume. NOW I have some carpet ~ new carpet ~ so yes it is a needed item. And the lawn well... I guess he was ready to take up yard work again.. I sort of liked having the team come & mow.... UGH... if I have to do it again I'm calling the team.... So my foul mood made me mean & vengeful & just a plain bitch.
I think it is better at this moment. We have a plan for at least clearing out the garage for my space. We have gotten rid of stuff & cleaned up some areas. No space is done yet... close to it but not done.
I don't want to cry & be a stressed out mom. For the last year I've been the best mom ever & it is a calm house for a beautiful baby..... and that is what I want now... a calm peaceful environment for my beautiful baby.... so tomorrow I will strive to FINISH one space. So that when I need a break I can get one without seeing piles that need my attention... I just need a break.... (and honestly I've had some in the last 2 weeks thanks to a surprise fateful meeting at the DMV). But my house needs to be MINE.... I want Espen to feel my calm energizing spirit. Not this crazed confused upset mood.
Tomorrow is a new day. All I can do move forward with what I have. And I have a husband who is gainfully employeed who adores me and a beautiful baby. I have a house that I can like. I have 2 funny dogs who love walking with me. And I have my own self reliance.... and it will see me through.... my spirit, faith & hope....
And the budget struggles will get worse before they get better right now. Last year when we made the decision for me to stay home, we knew at some point it would be a serious struggle. That time is now. But I am confident that we will make it work....it is what we do....
I think it is better at this moment. We have a plan for at least clearing out the garage for my space. We have gotten rid of stuff & cleaned up some areas. No space is done yet... close to it but not done.
I don't want to cry & be a stressed out mom. For the last year I've been the best mom ever & it is a calm house for a beautiful baby..... and that is what I want now... a calm peaceful environment for my beautiful baby.... so tomorrow I will strive to FINISH one space. So that when I need a break I can get one without seeing piles that need my attention... I just need a break.... (and honestly I've had some in the last 2 weeks thanks to a surprise fateful meeting at the DMV). But my house needs to be MINE.... I want Espen to feel my calm energizing spirit. Not this crazed confused upset mood.
Tomorrow is a new day. All I can do move forward with what I have. And I have a husband who is gainfully employeed who adores me and a beautiful baby. I have a house that I can like. I have 2 funny dogs who love walking with me. And I have my own self reliance.... and it will see me through.... my spirit, faith & hope....
And the budget struggles will get worse before they get better right now. Last year when we made the decision for me to stay home, we knew at some point it would be a serious struggle. That time is now. But I am confident that we will make it work....it is what we do....
My sister, Shanna, sent this message to me... it made me smile & brought a tear to my little eye.... so maybe there will be a better day tomorrow...
ReplyDelete"So here's a story of a little lady: she moved to Chicago with her hubby from Texas where they had lots of friends and a very pretty house. At first she was sad and lonely and she didn't like it but after a few years she had lots of friends and a beautiful house and eventually she discovered pottery and created a studio so she could make the pottery... See More and made cool pieces of art. Then one sad day they had to move again, this time to Nebraska (which is not as exciting as Chicago) but IS closer to her family. And this time there were three of them because they had a cuttie pie baby with them named Espen!! And they moved to a beautiful house. But it wasn't as big as the Chicago house. Then the lady was sad and tired and flustered because she didn't have space for pottery. But she forgot it had only been a few months and some things take time; like creating a space for creativity, feeling like a corn field is home and making friends (even though the lady already made a friend in the most interesting of circumstances and all because her sister made her go get her new drivers lisence)! So even though the little lady is discouraged, one day, maybe a few years from now, she will laugh at herself because she will realize she made it through the hardest part of moving. And she will have friends, a great home, a pottery studio, and an awesome little man to run after. And she will love Nebraska (but not the Cornhuskers).
The End"
If you start each day identifying 5 positive things about your life and one negative that you can change (or start to change) that day you won't find the negatives so easy to creep in. Like the old song goes "Keep on the sunny side of life."
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