Grown UP Time
I recently pitched a grown up fit about time. There is not enough of it to DO anything I want! And the time I have seems to be spent rushing from one uninspiring task to another. Or so it seems! I have one little boy. He is extremely active. He is 2+ and I am his play partner, his buddy, his snuggle partner, his MOM. There are days when I don't even have the opportunity to go to the bathroom alone. I can't for the life of me figure out if I really want another child or if holding steady at one is going to work!
So I was upset about not having time. Not alone time with my husband or other adults. I am much more selfish than that! I want time for just ME! I want time to eat at my pace, pee in private, make dinner without chasing down my knives or spoons, throw a pot on the wheel, talk on the phone without being interrupted, get my hair done, shop for something other than boy stuff or food.... just basically anything I want to do... I want to do it without hearing "mommy", "why" and with out running after someone! I don't want time to do mundane tasks. But instead, I want time to be inspired and do things I love as well as things that may make me feel good!
The thing about parenting is suddenly the shift is totally on this little person. And while I expected it and was prepared, there are days when I just want an hour or 3 minutes even! There are days when I envy those women who have gone back to work and make it look like a walk in the park! I know they are missing some of the things I get to do. And for them, somedays my pony tail, sweat pants, non-challant schedule is a dream! I am quite certain they wish for time too!
And then I feel horribly guilty for wanting to carve out a few minutes for myself. I feel like I am not making the most of my opportunity to stay at home and that I should relish every single second I have with this little boy and stop complaining! I make myself to feel that my free minutes should be spent with someone, engaged in conversation or movement or making someone else happy. And at the end of the day when I fall into bed, I am both happy to have him and sad that I didn't make time to do _______... (the thing I wanted)... Even when I try so hard, there is not a perfect balance.
So yesterday 2 things happened... first I read a blog post forwared by a working mother of 3 beautiful little kids. It was a wonderful post about enjoying every minute... and how people always encourage a mom to do that... and sometimes we just can't! It was inspiring and validating to read how someone else feels the same way... because I love my son and I am thankful for him and most of the minutes minutes.. there are times when I just can't wait for the day or hour or minute to be over! The blog can be found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html
And I had a OB/GYN appointment. I have put it off for awhile and want to take better care of my health this year. Much of the conversation was about my impending 40th birthday and the leveling of all my hormones. It seems that all the visits I've made this last year to regulate my moods have in fact regulated my hormones (and my moods!). If there ever was a time to try to get pregnant, this is it, I was told. And I left thinking about this all day... Do I want to invest my time and emotions in the attempt. If it is a success, am I ready for the time to be lost to me all over again! Am I ready to share my time between 2 little people... and could I give each of them the time they deserve. It is a big decision. Not one made today. But one to be made soon. Because after all .. time is ticking!!
Right this minute all I really want is the time to do something for myself. I don't want to ask for help or tell someone to do something... I just want the ability to do it!
So I was upset about not having time. Not alone time with my husband or other adults. I am much more selfish than that! I want time for just ME! I want time to eat at my pace, pee in private, make dinner without chasing down my knives or spoons, throw a pot on the wheel, talk on the phone without being interrupted, get my hair done, shop for something other than boy stuff or food.... just basically anything I want to do... I want to do it without hearing "mommy", "why" and with out running after someone! I don't want time to do mundane tasks. But instead, I want time to be inspired and do things I love as well as things that may make me feel good!
The thing about parenting is suddenly the shift is totally on this little person. And while I expected it and was prepared, there are days when I just want an hour or 3 minutes even! There are days when I envy those women who have gone back to work and make it look like a walk in the park! I know they are missing some of the things I get to do. And for them, somedays my pony tail, sweat pants, non-challant schedule is a dream! I am quite certain they wish for time too!
And then I feel horribly guilty for wanting to carve out a few minutes for myself. I feel like I am not making the most of my opportunity to stay at home and that I should relish every single second I have with this little boy and stop complaining! I make myself to feel that my free minutes should be spent with someone, engaged in conversation or movement or making someone else happy. And at the end of the day when I fall into bed, I am both happy to have him and sad that I didn't make time to do _______... (the thing I wanted)... Even when I try so hard, there is not a perfect balance.
So yesterday 2 things happened... first I read a blog post forwared by a working mother of 3 beautiful little kids. It was a wonderful post about enjoying every minute... and how people always encourage a mom to do that... and sometimes we just can't! It was inspiring and validating to read how someone else feels the same way... because I love my son and I am thankful for him and most of the minutes minutes.. there are times when I just can't wait for the day or hour or minute to be over! The blog can be found at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html
And I had a OB/GYN appointment. I have put it off for awhile and want to take better care of my health this year. Much of the conversation was about my impending 40th birthday and the leveling of all my hormones. It seems that all the visits I've made this last year to regulate my moods have in fact regulated my hormones (and my moods!). If there ever was a time to try to get pregnant, this is it, I was told. And I left thinking about this all day... Do I want to invest my time and emotions in the attempt. If it is a success, am I ready for the time to be lost to me all over again! Am I ready to share my time between 2 little people... and could I give each of them the time they deserve. It is a big decision. Not one made today. But one to be made soon. Because after all .. time is ticking!!
Right this minute all I really want is the time to do something for myself. I don't want to ask for help or tell someone to do something... I just want the ability to do it!
I feel horrible for asking this but if you ever did get pregnant and had your own miracle would you feel more love for him down the road than espen.only because it would yours and dougs biological child.please don't look at me wrong for asking this....
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