the RULES for families
We just returned from a week at the ranch in Oklahoma. It was fun to see my parents and sisters and their families. We enjoyed the new ponds and paddle boat, the new ATV and normal ranch stuff like feeding cows and clearing fence. We had some great fun and quality family time. In fact, we didn't leave the ranch for 4 days ~ miles from anywhere we just enjoyed the solitude and the outdoors.
Perhaps our society has changed over the last 20 years. Perhaps as a society, we have "lost control" of our children. Perhaps kids are lazy, mouthy, sassy, techno savvy, loud and wild. Perhaps "we" allow children to be involved in to much and we allow them to have opinions to early. Perhaps adults are allowing children to do more, say more, behave more then parents did back in the day.
I am a good parent. I take pride in the manners my little boy has. I am proud of his vocabulary and his physical strengths. I understand his needs and his issues and what makes him unique compared to others. I adore his inquisitive, creative curiosity. Yes most certainly I sometimes get tired of his sassy behavior yet I recognize he does it often for attention and he gets it!
This trip reminded me that there are "rules" for families... here are the things I know:
#1...Children need to be fed regularly. They are not able to go for long periods of time without food. Meal times are not something that should be negotiated when it comes to children. In fact I believe that as adults if we eat regularly we have less mood swings and we can perhaps maintain our behavior in better ways. It is our job to feed each other consistently!
#2... Children need time with adults and time with themselves. I have a four year old. His time is with me. He goes where I go. It is why I decided to be a stay at home mom. We don't have the luxury or burden of having family near us so we are what we have. When we have the opportunity to play with other kids, he needs time without mommy hovering to figure out how those interactions and social situations happen and work. I can teach him all about life but other children teach him how to be socially involved. Aunts and uncles and grandparents can all play a crucial role in being present with them. Being present sometimes means being on the level they are on. Play in the water, read a book, snuggle for a movie, play cars.... be on the level and be present. That means not getting up and finding other things to do. Just be present. Children need that time with adults as much as with themselves.
#3... Children need to play outside and inside (and outside and inside and outside). Yes I know the air is on and there are bugs. Running in and out is just a part of it. Go out and play, maybe they will stay longer if we are with them!
#4... Sometimes we need to stop the work and just play. As adults we need to play. If we define play as running or cooking or swimming or driving fast ~ we need to just play. We need to play so that our children see that there is a time for work and a time for play. They mimic us and we need to show them the serious and the fun.
#5... Just accept the things you can't change about your children and parents. It is hard and sometimes maddening. But we have to just be accepting. As a family we are allowed to be different and the same. We need that acceptance to feel like we belong. And a family belongs together.
#6... Instill manners.... yes certainly burping and tooting are super funny to children but they need to say excuse me and have manners. We all do. "Please" and "thank you" go a long way. Don't expect your child to have them if you don't use them.
#7... My son knows how to use technology. He has an iPod. He can use my iPad. He knows how to Skype and facetime. He can navigate Netflix. He is not afraid of technology. But he has the limits I set. I encourage his knowledge of technology but I also encourage him to get out and play! As it should be with all of us! There is a time and place for TV and technology.... sometimes it is totally appropriate to pull those kids to a movie and focus them so that we can stay out of the heat for a little while or we can eat dinner without jumping up and down.
#8... Not all children are the same. Don't try to treat them that way. Mine has sensory processing. My sisters have allergies. They all have different likes and abilities. They are all special and unique. They all need different things at different times. We need to just allow them to be who they are and be proud of them and their abilities and talents.
#9... Forgive and apologize. Be brave enough to apologize. And courageous enough to just forgive. Teach your children to forgive openly and to honestly apologize. Don't let the hurt and anger fester until it is to late. Just forgive and apologize.
#10... Never take family for granted... cherish every moment. Even the hardest days with my family are better then not having them. I learn and grow because of those days too. And my son will have that as well. Cherish each moment...
That is what I know. The "rules" according to Shelly!
So Dad when you read this... I'm sorry I left the table and ruined dinner. I am sorry I don't parent like you did. I think my way may not be perfect but I have a pretty great kid. Yes he is wild but he is pretty fantastic! I appreciate the time we had. I am just as opinionated as you are and as stubborn. I love you. We will be back.
Perhaps our society has changed over the last 20 years. Perhaps as a society, we have "lost control" of our children. Perhaps kids are lazy, mouthy, sassy, techno savvy, loud and wild. Perhaps "we" allow children to be involved in to much and we allow them to have opinions to early. Perhaps adults are allowing children to do more, say more, behave more then parents did back in the day.
I am a good parent. I take pride in the manners my little boy has. I am proud of his vocabulary and his physical strengths. I understand his needs and his issues and what makes him unique compared to others. I adore his inquisitive, creative curiosity. Yes most certainly I sometimes get tired of his sassy behavior yet I recognize he does it often for attention and he gets it!
This trip reminded me that there are "rules" for families... here are the things I know:
#1...Children need to be fed regularly. They are not able to go for long periods of time without food. Meal times are not something that should be negotiated when it comes to children. In fact I believe that as adults if we eat regularly we have less mood swings and we can perhaps maintain our behavior in better ways. It is our job to feed each other consistently!#2... Children need time with adults and time with themselves. I have a four year old. His time is with me. He goes where I go. It is why I decided to be a stay at home mom. We don't have the luxury or burden of having family near us so we are what we have. When we have the opportunity to play with other kids, he needs time without mommy hovering to figure out how those interactions and social situations happen and work. I can teach him all about life but other children teach him how to be socially involved. Aunts and uncles and grandparents can all play a crucial role in being present with them. Being present sometimes means being on the level they are on. Play in the water, read a book, snuggle for a movie, play cars.... be on the level and be present. That means not getting up and finding other things to do. Just be present. Children need that time with adults as much as with themselves.
#3... Children need to play outside and inside (and outside and inside and outside). Yes I know the air is on and there are bugs. Running in and out is just a part of it. Go out and play, maybe they will stay longer if we are with them!
#4... Sometimes we need to stop the work and just play. As adults we need to play. If we define play as running or cooking or swimming or driving fast ~ we need to just play. We need to play so that our children see that there is a time for work and a time for play. They mimic us and we need to show them the serious and the fun.
#5... Just accept the things you can't change about your children and parents. It is hard and sometimes maddening. But we have to just be accepting. As a family we are allowed to be different and the same. We need that acceptance to feel like we belong. And a family belongs together.
#6... Instill manners.... yes certainly burping and tooting are super funny to children but they need to say excuse me and have manners. We all do. "Please" and "thank you" go a long way. Don't expect your child to have them if you don't use them.
#7... My son knows how to use technology. He has an iPod. He can use my iPad. He knows how to Skype and facetime. He can navigate Netflix. He is not afraid of technology. But he has the limits I set. I encourage his knowledge of technology but I also encourage him to get out and play! As it should be with all of us! There is a time and place for TV and technology.... sometimes it is totally appropriate to pull those kids to a movie and focus them so that we can stay out of the heat for a little while or we can eat dinner without jumping up and down.
#8... Not all children are the same. Don't try to treat them that way. Mine has sensory processing. My sisters have allergies. They all have different likes and abilities. They are all special and unique. They all need different things at different times. We need to just allow them to be who they are and be proud of them and their abilities and talents.
#9... Forgive and apologize. Be brave enough to apologize. And courageous enough to just forgive. Teach your children to forgive openly and to honestly apologize. Don't let the hurt and anger fester until it is to late. Just forgive and apologize.
#10... Never take family for granted... cherish every moment. Even the hardest days with my family are better then not having them. I learn and grow because of those days too. And my son will have that as well. Cherish each moment...
That is what I know. The "rules" according to Shelly!
So Dad when you read this... I'm sorry I left the table and ruined dinner. I am sorry I don't parent like you did. I think my way may not be perfect but I have a pretty great kid. Yes he is wild but he is pretty fantastic! I appreciate the time we had. I am just as opinionated as you are and as stubborn. I love you. We will be back.
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