School transition

Excuse us while we transition.  Sadly, with much consideration and thought, we have made the hard decision to withdraw Espen from public school.  Parenting is hard.  There is not a booklet for guidance.  No one gives reference material on what to do when.  Every family makes decisions based on information and actions.  Sometimes we have to make those decisions quickly and pray for the best outcome.  It has been our pleasure to be part of so many great classrooms.  I can list countless ways teachers have gone above and beyond to create meaningful experiences and interactions, to inspire learning, to be present and positive leaders. We have put faith and trust in the school to be our partners in education.  We have been present, active parents.  Supporters in countless ways of both the school and the teachers.  

Espen is not a bad kid (far from it actually).  He does not come from a bad home.  Factually, he has ADHD which impacts everything about him.  Yet here we are a quarter into the 8th grade and my child is "wildly acting out" and suspected of things we find zero proof of in our home.  The rumors abounded about what was happening.  No one called.  Not the principals, the counselors, the persons responsible for his 504 plan, the specialists - NO ONE.  Not one single teacher that I repeatedly had communications with reported behavioral issues with Espen.  No one in passing suggested there be a conversation regarding concerns.  His grades, attendance and classroom behavior have never reflected cause for concern this year.  Yet my child is labeled a bad kid.  If we consistently make children feel like they are bad, they will be. 

We live in this small town, surrounded by people we have known for 6+ years, who have taught and interacted with Espen in a variety of levels and yet not one single person called home to engage us in the hard conversations, in trying to find some solutions to behavior problems, engage us in helping Espen navigate situations or simply express growing concern for my child's welfare.  No one called when my child was searched.  No one communicated.  Not once.  No one asked how to help, how to be available, how to redirect or re-engage.  Every day I had anxiety about getting a phone call from the school.  Every day I was worried about Espen being in the wrong place and doing the wrong thing because his boundaries and impulse control were limited because of ADHD.  Every day Espen was coming home exhausted from doing his best.  He was also full of tales about his day that put my heart beat into over drive.  It was a devastating few weeks hearing from my child that he was searched, that he was a 'suspect', that he was the talk of the school and not one time did anyone actively reach out to us to work as partners to resolve or change the narrative.  We found nothing at home or in his extracurricular activities to suggest the misdeeds.  

So we decided it is in his best interest and safety to finish the remainder of this school year with EPIC Charter Schools (a home school based program). The transition was quick so that we could preempt a negative outcome that might be hard to recover from.  We want him to succeed educationally and socially.  We want him to have aid as required by law within the parameters of his 504 plan.  We want his education to be a team approach.  We want him to be proud of himself, his interests, his accomplishments and his successes.  Our hope is that he will walk proudly, with his head high, responsible for his actions.  

We are nearly a week into the change.  We are adjusting.  It is different.  Some days I think there is absolutely NO WAY we can do this; I am horrible at it; he is defiant about it; selfishly I don't want him home all day; he is lonely; I am lonely.  But then I am reminded that we pulled him to keep him safe, out of the drama, focused on learning instead of using all his energy on behavior.  We pulled him so we know without any doubt where and what he is doing.  And in this regard he is suddenly thriving.  He completes an assignment and I see the wheels of learning engage, I see the light bulbs go off that he has comprehended and he is excited to complete a task. He is getting work done at his speed.  He is meeting new people.  He is engaged to think about his future and what happens after school.  Pulling him is not a punishment we have had to explain several times (while we understand it could appear that way).  It is an opportunity to try new things, an opportunity to go and see and learn in new ways.  An opportunity to dis-engage from the people, places and things that might be tempting and exciting that will lead him to the drama.    

As a parent my job is to keep my child safe.  Put him in the best environment to promote the best growth.  My job is to see him succeed.  Without a doubt he will succeed.  Our transition will be to find all the ways for him to actively engage in education, socially interact with peers and safely grow at his speed.  Our job as parents is hard.  Harder than it has ever been.