I am failing

So often we judge ourselves by the 'norms' in our society.  Normal.  It is sort of an ironic joke on all of us.  We set these unrealistic standards and then we feel like we are failing because we just can't make it.  Well I can tell you I am failing. 

Our society makes us believe we should have children who can read by the time they enter kindergarten.  And yet I have a beautiful son who can't understand the letters or numbers.  He is 4 and barely recognizes the letter E.  I don't color or give him pencils much because he ends up breaking them.  My son won't be able to write his name this week or next.  Some day it will click for him.  But our society wants our children to be writing and recognizing the alphabet already.  And I often find myself judging my self harshly because I should try harder.  Give him more resources.  Have more patience.  I start to sink into a slump about how I fail my son because of what he can't do.

Then I remember what he can do.  My little boy can tell an amazing story.  He has a fantastic sense of humor.  His laugh is beautiful.  He can ride a bike and do flips on a trampoline.  He climbs trees.  He snuggles for books and loves to draw chalk drawings.  He prefers to play outside and I encourage as much outside time as we can manage!  He knows how to make a volcano in the sand (he knows he needs vinegar & baking soda).  He can grow strawberry plants and reap the harvest better then I can.  He can swim and ice skate.  Do I fail then? 

Our society forces us into thinking we must be super thin to be sexy or healthy.  Walk through the mall and all the store models are sized 0.  The tv is full of ads and shows with super thin people looking fantastic.  Yet walk through that same mall and you will find more average looking folks and unfortunately with obesity on the rise, more folks struggling to get the pounds down.  I am failing.  I don't loose one single pound.  I often get myself all frazzled because of this.  I bust my ass day in and day out.


However 6 months ago I started to really amp up the training and challenge myself to eat better and exercise more.  I do just that.  I eat good wholesome foods.  I fix food that is good for you.  And I exercise.  We don't belong to a health club.  I just use the road, the logs in the yard, the child.  I discovered that I am not a fast runner but I can run slowly and enjoy it.  I can do pushups.  I'm not a super model but I am healthy.  My size is my size.  It is how I am supposed to be. Does that mean I fail? 

My house is dirty.
My car is scratched and has crackers on the carpet, underpants in the glove box. 
My dogs bark.
My gardens are weedy and often overgrown.
I hate to do dishes and laundry so I often just ignore them for awhile!
I use bad words occasionally.
I don't comb my hair all the time.
I sometimes have on dirty clothes.

At the end of my day sometimes I feel like I didn't do enough, accomplish enough, spend enough time with my loved ones.  I am not super mom.  I don't get an award.  I judge myself harshly because the pressures our society has forced me to believe in. 

On those days it is a struggle to see that I am not failing.  My life is happy.  My house is lived in.  I can laugh easily.  I am smart and doing the best I can with what I have.  And it is a full life.  Full of love and promise and dreams.  I am not failing. 

Each one of us can decide to change what is normal in our society and perhaps we can all stop feeling like we fail at something.  I am NOT failing!  I am on my journey and sometimes there is a glitch!