Darkness came
And the darkness came. I knew it was coming. I knew it would only be a matter of time.
I started running and took myself off the doctor recommended vitamin supplements that help regulate a mood. I felt great without them and all the physical activity I was getting. My muscles and legs were getting my brain to calm down. I got hurt and didn't start the vitamins again. I have limped around for 2 months now. Have seen the leg doctor. Have had a shot, anti-inflammatory medications and physical therapy starts. I still hurt. I hurt like it just happened. I hurt so much it is hard to go down stairs, hard to drive, hard to do laundry, bring groceries inside, hard to play with my child. And the darkness fell on me.
I have a yard of plants and leaves to tend to right now. I have a super active 4 year old that is used to mommy being active and available to jump, run, skate, bike, walk to the park, climb up trees and go hiking in the woods. I have things I want to do. Physically my leg hurts so bad so much of the time that I am just not able to do the things I want to do. My mind became the trap.
My mind filled with all the negative self talk. It was consumed with the life sentence of inactivity. I was barely holding on. And then it just took over. Dark. Like a wind blowing a storm cloud right at me.
I snapped. I was laying on the bed crying and no one wanted to come near me. And through my tears I heard my beautiful little boy tell his daddy that he knew what would make it better.... he was sure he knew... FLOWERS DADDY, FLOWERS WILL MAKE THIS BETTER.
I cried a little longer because maybe he is right. Maybe some flowers will make it better.
The dark spots in my mind are still there. The thoughts that cloud my happy moods. There is a little glimmer of a bright spot. Thanks to my little boy and his ability to just "know" what will make things better. And thanks to his daddy for not giving me the time to just stay in the dark. For getting me up and moving into the light.
Tomorrow will be a new day.
I started running and took myself off the doctor recommended vitamin supplements that help regulate a mood. I felt great without them and all the physical activity I was getting. My muscles and legs were getting my brain to calm down. I got hurt and didn't start the vitamins again. I have limped around for 2 months now. Have seen the leg doctor. Have had a shot, anti-inflammatory medications and physical therapy starts. I still hurt. I hurt like it just happened. I hurt so much it is hard to go down stairs, hard to drive, hard to do laundry, bring groceries inside, hard to play with my child. And the darkness fell on me.
I have a yard of plants and leaves to tend to right now. I have a super active 4 year old that is used to mommy being active and available to jump, run, skate, bike, walk to the park, climb up trees and go hiking in the woods. I have things I want to do. Physically my leg hurts so bad so much of the time that I am just not able to do the things I want to do. My mind became the trap.
My mind filled with all the negative self talk. It was consumed with the life sentence of inactivity. I was barely holding on. And then it just took over. Dark. Like a wind blowing a storm cloud right at me.
I snapped. I was laying on the bed crying and no one wanted to come near me. And through my tears I heard my beautiful little boy tell his daddy that he knew what would make it better.... he was sure he knew... FLOWERS DADDY, FLOWERS WILL MAKE THIS BETTER. I cried a little longer because maybe he is right. Maybe some flowers will make it better.
The dark spots in my mind are still there. The thoughts that cloud my happy moods. There is a little glimmer of a bright spot. Thanks to my little boy and his ability to just "know" what will make things better. And thanks to his daddy for not giving me the time to just stay in the dark. For getting me up and moving into the light.
Tomorrow will be a new day.
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