Value of my "job"
Laying awake snuggling with my child because he had a weird night, I was thinking about being a stay at home mom. I thought about how fortunate I am but I also thought about how it is not something everyone can do (either by choice or by finances). My mind also wandered to how society views my role and how my son will one day view me.
Being a stay at home mom in our society is still not viewed as a valuable "position". Historically I suppose, the mom was the lesser educated and viewed as the caretaker of the home. Then women started to work more outside of the home and their self worth became attached to their employment. Women worked hard to be as worthy as a man in particular fields. Value was placed on education, money, power. A shift in the mind of millions happened. Our worth and value is closely tied to what we make and earn. I can assure you that when Espen was born and I was at home with a new baby, I felt like I was wasting time. My mind was wrapped around how I was not being useful to our family if I didn't work. There was a desire to be at home but I didn't value it.
My mom was at home. She went to all the things we did, made clothes, shopped, cooked, canned, moved us when it was time for us to move. She was always there, always able to get us someplace or help us with something. However, it was impressed upon us that we needed to go off to college, get educated and DO something. So I did. I went off to college. I earned a degree. I worked. I earned another degree. I held positions that were valuable to our society. I DID something! Then I married and still worked my way to the "top"... We heard that we needed to support ourselves and earn things as adults. I heard "do something with your education" and guess that translated into being at home has no value.
So after years of trying, my son came into my world and I tried to "interview" day care centers but just could not bring myself to do it. Instead I figured a way for our family to survive on one income. I convinced myself it was just temporary, until he got a little older. Being at home meant a completely different lifestyle. It meant a move to a better economy so that living expenses were better. Yet I battled with my feelings of being a productive member of our family & society. I battled with having so much education and smarts and just staying at home. And then suddenly he was 2 and I knew something was different about him. Then came the relief that I was home and could address the needs of my son when no one was listening to me. Then he turned 3 and I was finally relieved that I fought so hard to be heard and finally found the people to listen to me and he, we started getting some help and answers. Now at 4 he is in preschool and I love my mornings buy even more love to be able to go pick him up, go to class parties, have lunch with him and have the afternoon together. I would stay broke to keep that.
No matter if you stay home or work; no matter if you have children or not; no matter if you live in the city or the country, the laundry, shopping, cleaning, yard work, etc., all must get done. That is not my job. All of us do those things because the tasks are part of who we are; human! Those tasks Doug helps me with. Those are the things we teach Espen are just part of life and that everyone participates in them.
I stay at home because I wanted to see each and every milestone my child accomplished. I stay at home because I managed to figure a way to do it financially. I stay at home because Doug saw some value in it and repeatedly tried to convince me that it was the best thing for Espen. I stay at home but that doesn't make me an idiot or lesser educated.
I don't have a job. I have a family. I don't work all day. I work all the time! I don't get a break or a vacation. I don't have sick leave or overtime. I don't have a uniform or a handbook. I raise one child. One child with an odd sensory issue. One child that can run circles around most children. I stay at home because I was selfish and wanted to see all the great things Espen does! I live simply. I bake fun nutritious food, I shop on a budget, I comb hair when necessary, I wash when it is piled up. I explore the world on the level of a child.
One day I want Espen to know that I am the smartest mom! That I learned to put less value in what I was doing for everyone else and more value in what I was doing for my family. My value and worth as a person is not determined in how much I make, the car I drive, the clothes I wear, the house I own. My value as a human is determined by how I teach this one child to respect others, be kind to everyone, give time to the needy, share what you have with those who need it. My value is in teaching my little boy to love unconditionally, believe in magic and laugh out loud. My value is in what I do, not in what I make. I want his value to be in what he does.
Being a stay at home mom in our society is still not viewed as a valuable "position". Historically I suppose, the mom was the lesser educated and viewed as the caretaker of the home. Then women started to work more outside of the home and their self worth became attached to their employment. Women worked hard to be as worthy as a man in particular fields. Value was placed on education, money, power. A shift in the mind of millions happened. Our worth and value is closely tied to what we make and earn. I can assure you that when Espen was born and I was at home with a new baby, I felt like I was wasting time. My mind was wrapped around how I was not being useful to our family if I didn't work. There was a desire to be at home but I didn't value it.
My mom was at home. She went to all the things we did, made clothes, shopped, cooked, canned, moved us when it was time for us to move. She was always there, always able to get us someplace or help us with something. However, it was impressed upon us that we needed to go off to college, get educated and DO something. So I did. I went off to college. I earned a degree. I worked. I earned another degree. I held positions that were valuable to our society. I DID something! Then I married and still worked my way to the "top"... We heard that we needed to support ourselves and earn things as adults. I heard "do something with your education" and guess that translated into being at home has no value.
So after years of trying, my son came into my world and I tried to "interview" day care centers but just could not bring myself to do it. Instead I figured a way for our family to survive on one income. I convinced myself it was just temporary, until he got a little older. Being at home meant a completely different lifestyle. It meant a move to a better economy so that living expenses were better. Yet I battled with my feelings of being a productive member of our family & society. I battled with having so much education and smarts and just staying at home. And then suddenly he was 2 and I knew something was different about him. Then came the relief that I was home and could address the needs of my son when no one was listening to me. Then he turned 3 and I was finally relieved that I fought so hard to be heard and finally found the people to listen to me and he, we started getting some help and answers. Now at 4 he is in preschool and I love my mornings buy even more love to be able to go pick him up, go to class parties, have lunch with him and have the afternoon together. I would stay broke to keep that.
No matter if you stay home or work; no matter if you have children or not; no matter if you live in the city or the country, the laundry, shopping, cleaning, yard work, etc., all must get done. That is not my job. All of us do those things because the tasks are part of who we are; human! Those tasks Doug helps me with. Those are the things we teach Espen are just part of life and that everyone participates in them.
I stay at home because I wanted to see each and every milestone my child accomplished. I stay at home because I managed to figure a way to do it financially. I stay at home because Doug saw some value in it and repeatedly tried to convince me that it was the best thing for Espen. I stay at home but that doesn't make me an idiot or lesser educated.
I don't have a job. I have a family. I don't work all day. I work all the time! I don't get a break or a vacation. I don't have sick leave or overtime. I don't have a uniform or a handbook. I raise one child. One child with an odd sensory issue. One child that can run circles around most children. I stay at home because I was selfish and wanted to see all the great things Espen does! I live simply. I bake fun nutritious food, I shop on a budget, I comb hair when necessary, I wash when it is piled up. I explore the world on the level of a child.
One day I want Espen to know that I am the smartest mom! That I learned to put less value in what I was doing for everyone else and more value in what I was doing for my family. My value and worth as a person is not determined in how much I make, the car I drive, the clothes I wear, the house I own. My value as a human is determined by how I teach this one child to respect others, be kind to everyone, give time to the needy, share what you have with those who need it. My value is in teaching my little boy to love unconditionally, believe in magic and laugh out loud. My value is in what I do, not in what I make. I want his value to be in what he does.Espen your value as a human being is in what you are able to give back, what you can do. Your value is not in what you make. Yes certainly riches make you something. But your pure heart and ability to love others make you rich. You are worth more to the world by giving instead of making. I have been proud to be the mom at home with you. My life means something because you have grown to be a kind little boy who sees good in people, who is excited by a rainbow or a bug or a tractor, who will share what he has so that others are just as happy. My time to explore the world at your level has made me thankful for it. My worth in this world has been in learning to be a fantastic mom and to put those fantastic qualities before you. Yes there is merit in being educated and working hard for what you want. But the value is in how you treat others, how you love.
Comments
Post a Comment