Hardest Decisions Ever

Lately we have been thinking about adoption.  Again.  We think we want another child.  We think we can handle it.  We think we understand this parenting thing.  And then a day of odd behaviors, explosive emotions and tears happen.  A day when all our energy is spent with Espen.  A day we sit drained when he goes to bed and wonder how we will manage to get up tomorrow and do it again.  A day when we wonder... are we really going to consider another one....

I think we are considering it. 

In our society it is extremely hard to adopt.  Perhaps rightly so.  Perhaps it should be so hard to give birth.  Perhaps if more birth parents had to jump through this many hoops, we would have better equipped parents. 

I have made contact with a state agency and explored the possibility of adopting an older child who is already legally free for adoption and we have started the initial process with the agency we utilized with Espen.  There are amazing agencies out there and amazing children in need of homes and courageous birth moms.  We have to be honest and accepting so that how ever we grow our family (if we do) we do so with the least amount of excess drama or financial strain!

Financially it is much better to adopt a child in the foster system.  Adopting a new baby is another private adoption and all new baby things.  Neither of which we are financially prepared for.  An older child may be more able to fit into and belong to our wild ride we call life! 

We never wanted an only child.  We tried to believe we just wanted one beautiful little boy.  We really want Espen to grow up with a sibling.  So much can be learned and fun can be had with a sibling.  We don't want to look back in 10 years and wish we would have tried.  So we will try... and if it doesn't work, we will be happy with an only child!

It is so hard and a decision not to be taken lightly.  Hard when we sit here just worn down from a day like today.  Hard when we are faced with spending so much time and money.  Hard to open our home up for a home study.  The things we will have to do over the next months are challenging and exciting.  And there are things we will need help with.  And we are not always great at asking people to help us... we just do it.  Adoption means we can't just do it.  It means we have to open ourselves up and ask. 

 So if you see me completing paperwork or looking like I showered (!) we may have some additional meeting or home visit.  If you see me standing on a corner with a hat, throw a coin at me!  If I ask know that I had to be brave to do so, so be kind with my feelings but know you can say no!  Mostly just pray for guidance so that we make the right choices for our family.