THAT child ~ from a mom....
Today I read this blog post written by a teacher, THAT Kid. It made me both cry and be super thankful for the kindergarten teacher we have. She is not only amazing for Espen but if I show up crying, she will in fact hold my hand and find one great thing about my child to tell me. Let me tell you what it is like from a parents point.... because I have THAT KID.
THAT one your kid comes home talking about. The one with the special place in line because he can't keep it together in the back. The one with the square on the lunch table so he can be gently reminded to keep his hands and manners to himself. I have THAT little boy who plays roughly, runs fast, sings loud.
I have THAT boy who talks and talks. The one who interrupts at odd moments. The one that made your kid cry when he colored scribble marks on her beautiful picture. I have THAT child that shows up at school with messy hair and messy face. The one you hear about with ripped clothes. I have THAT kid who knows the word shit and fuck and he has used them in school. I assure you it is not because his dad & I use them.
I have the little boy who sits in front of the teacher at story time and has to be directed repeatedly to make good choices. I have HIIM. I have THAT kid who might be so tired during the day that he acts out from exhaustion. Mine is the one who doesn't eat much lunch even with prodding so that by the afternoon his mood may just be because he is hungry.
I have THAT little boy who may not be able to play a game because he has not got the rules. He may run off with the ball. My son is THAT child who may act out when he gets mad. THAT child you hear all about.
I have THAT child. He doesn't tell me anything about your children because he doesn't talk about school. I have that one who brings home rumpled papers and torn sheets with crayon all over it. And I cherish them. I have the one who may have words written on his hands or legs because we are doing our best to remember sight/spelling words. I have the one who misses random days of school and gets picked up early about once a week.
I have THAT child. The one you don't want to invite over. The one who may not play well WITH your child or your things. I have THAT child who is to fast, to strong, to much.
And when you want to go talk to the teacher about your child not sitting next to mine, or you have lunch and wonder why mine is in a special spot in line or at the table or when he shows up looking frazzled YOU CAN ASK ME......
You see my child looks just as "normal" as the next. My child is THAT one who has just been diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder and we can't rule out anxiety and some obsessions....
And I am happy to talk about it. I am happy to tell you how incredibly challenging our home is sometimes. I am happy to tell you about THAT child. I will tell how our lives are vastly different from yours and how I am often awake at 5am playing and don't catch a break until he is asleep. And then the "monsters" wake him and he sleeps with me. How the medication we have chosen to put him on makes him not hungry so we fight for each tiny bite to get in him.
I will tell you that his ripped clothes are a result of anxiety. That his messy hair and face are because he is sensory opposed to me touching them. I will tell you that he feels no pain so has a hard time understanding how rough is to rough and how hard is to hard. I will tell you we work on boundaries every moment and still he will be as close as possible and touching what he can. I will tell you that my son has strange social behaviors because of the ADHD & ODD....
THAT child who knows the bad words does so because he has heard them at the skate park where he rides with the big kids. He is a parrot and what he hears he repeats in exactly the right context. I will share with you that on hard days he scripts things from movies and I have no idea what he is trying to tell me. I will tell you that my child plays with me and his 2 imaginary friends so often that I almost believe in them.
I will tell you that the teacher cares about all the children in her classroom and is not giving mine any special concessions or treatment. I take THAT kid out of school for doctors appointments that take up so much time that it is pointless to bring him to school. Sometimes when he is gone he misses things. I take him out early to go to therapy so that he can write and color and know the sounds the alphabet makes. So he can work on knowing how hard is hard and what does soft hands mean. I take him so he can understand a safety plan and he doesn't run off or away. I take him to therapy so that he can play with your children and no one gets hurt. Because the therapists are "safe" and he can tell them anything he wants and sometimes that is all the information I get about his week.
I will share with you what I KNOW. If you care to stop judging me and ask.
I will also tell you that it is getting better. That my child is learning. That he is making friends and finding out things on his own. That he loves his teacher and the kids in the class. I will tell you that the medication that I resisted giving him allows him to sit still and learn and actually focus on one thing instead of a million. I will tear up because he is my joy, my gift, my blessing... and for all these years he has been THAT child. I can tell you we have lived in HELL and we sometimes are barely out of fires but we are managing to stay strong and power forth.
I will assure you that we are doing everything we can. That we read all the books. We see specialists. I know more about these things then you can ever imagine. I am a specialist on these topics. I will assure you that he is an amazing child with special gifts and talents. THAT child can ride a bike (race one even), swim the length of a pool and back, ice skate, roller blade, snowboard, do pull-ups and laugh until he falls over. My child has learned compassion and can be kind to people. I will tell you that some days it may be hard as hell but that we always wake up with a fresh day ahead of us and we try. We try really hard. And it is getting better. And for that I am thankful that I have THAT child.
He has made my life bigger. THAT child has taught me about compassion and understanding special gifts. THAT child brings out the patience I did not know I had and the fierce love only a mother can have. THAT child who just hugged me and said 'I love you mom' needs a village.
Just ask me.... you can't always ask each mom or know each story. You are free to ask me. I believe if we were more open to telling our story and more open to hearing about the differences and challenges then the world I am raising my child in will be more compassionate about his challenges and less judging.
THAT child will go on to do something great... if we just give him a chance.
THAT one your kid comes home talking about. The one with the special place in line because he can't keep it together in the back. The one with the square on the lunch table so he can be gently reminded to keep his hands and manners to himself. I have THAT little boy who plays roughly, runs fast, sings loud.
I have THAT boy who talks and talks. The one who interrupts at odd moments. The one that made your kid cry when he colored scribble marks on her beautiful picture. I have THAT child that shows up at school with messy hair and messy face. The one you hear about with ripped clothes. I have THAT kid who knows the word shit and fuck and he has used them in school. I assure you it is not because his dad & I use them.
I have the little boy who sits in front of the teacher at story time and has to be directed repeatedly to make good choices. I have HIIM. I have THAT kid who might be so tired during the day that he acts out from exhaustion. Mine is the one who doesn't eat much lunch even with prodding so that by the afternoon his mood may just be because he is hungry.
I have THAT little boy who may not be able to play a game because he has not got the rules. He may run off with the ball. My son is THAT child who may act out when he gets mad. THAT child you hear all about.
I have THAT child. He doesn't tell me anything about your children because he doesn't talk about school. I have that one who brings home rumpled papers and torn sheets with crayon all over it. And I cherish them. I have the one who may have words written on his hands or legs because we are doing our best to remember sight/spelling words. I have the one who misses random days of school and gets picked up early about once a week.
I have THAT child. The one you don't want to invite over. The one who may not play well WITH your child or your things. I have THAT child who is to fast, to strong, to much.
And when you want to go talk to the teacher about your child not sitting next to mine, or you have lunch and wonder why mine is in a special spot in line or at the table or when he shows up looking frazzled YOU CAN ASK ME......
You see my child looks just as "normal" as the next. My child is THAT one who has just been diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder and we can't rule out anxiety and some obsessions....
And I am happy to talk about it. I am happy to tell you how incredibly challenging our home is sometimes. I am happy to tell you about THAT child. I will tell how our lives are vastly different from yours and how I am often awake at 5am playing and don't catch a break until he is asleep. And then the "monsters" wake him and he sleeps with me. How the medication we have chosen to put him on makes him not hungry so we fight for each tiny bite to get in him. I will tell you that his ripped clothes are a result of anxiety. That his messy hair and face are because he is sensory opposed to me touching them. I will tell you that he feels no pain so has a hard time understanding how rough is to rough and how hard is to hard. I will tell you we work on boundaries every moment and still he will be as close as possible and touching what he can. I will tell you that my son has strange social behaviors because of the ADHD & ODD....
THAT child who knows the bad words does so because he has heard them at the skate park where he rides with the big kids. He is a parrot and what he hears he repeats in exactly the right context. I will share with you that on hard days he scripts things from movies and I have no idea what he is trying to tell me. I will tell you that my child plays with me and his 2 imaginary friends so often that I almost believe in them.
I will tell you that the teacher cares about all the children in her classroom and is not giving mine any special concessions or treatment. I take THAT kid out of school for doctors appointments that take up so much time that it is pointless to bring him to school. Sometimes when he is gone he misses things. I take him out early to go to therapy so that he can write and color and know the sounds the alphabet makes. So he can work on knowing how hard is hard and what does soft hands mean. I take him so he can understand a safety plan and he doesn't run off or away. I take him to therapy so that he can play with your children and no one gets hurt. Because the therapists are "safe" and he can tell them anything he wants and sometimes that is all the information I get about his week.
I will share with you what I KNOW. If you care to stop judging me and ask.
I will also tell you that it is getting better. That my child is learning. That he is making friends and finding out things on his own. That he loves his teacher and the kids in the class. I will tell you that the medication that I resisted giving him allows him to sit still and learn and actually focus on one thing instead of a million. I will tear up because he is my joy, my gift, my blessing... and for all these years he has been THAT child. I can tell you we have lived in HELL and we sometimes are barely out of fires but we are managing to stay strong and power forth.
I will assure you that we are doing everything we can. That we read all the books. We see specialists. I know more about these things then you can ever imagine. I am a specialist on these topics. I will assure you that he is an amazing child with special gifts and talents. THAT child can ride a bike (race one even), swim the length of a pool and back, ice skate, roller blade, snowboard, do pull-ups and laugh until he falls over. My child has learned compassion and can be kind to people. I will tell you that some days it may be hard as hell but that we always wake up with a fresh day ahead of us and we try. We try really hard. And it is getting better. And for that I am thankful that I have THAT child.
He has made my life bigger. THAT child has taught me about compassion and understanding special gifts. THAT child brings out the patience I did not know I had and the fierce love only a mother can have. THAT child who just hugged me and said 'I love you mom' needs a village.
Just ask me.... you can't always ask each mom or know each story. You are free to ask me. I believe if we were more open to telling our story and more open to hearing about the differences and challenges then the world I am raising my child in will be more compassionate about his challenges and less judging.
THAT child will go on to do something great... if we just give him a chance.
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