and I gave it back....

I was ready.  Excited.  Thrilled.  I prepared for my absence at an event.  I bought groceries and paid bills.  I had the support of my husband.  And then I sat quietly for a bit with myself. 

Yes I can go.  I can make the trip to Chicago in a fast hurry.  I can meet this AMAZING photographer for a 30 minute mommy & me photo shoot and I can enjoy it.  My husband can go so that we can get in and out in a hurry.  Or we can stay an extra night and take in the sights.  Yes it can all work. 

And then THIS happened... my child screaming and crying at me for 2 hours was.  He was tired, hungry, strung out on needs he can not identify.  The best reason NOT to go suddenly was standing in front of me with a tear streaked face asking me WHY MOMMY WHY DO I FEEL SO UPSET. 

I realized Espen can't make it.  Travel is really hard on Espen.  It always has been difficult.  We always allow for an adjustment when we travel.  I recognized as he was standing in front of me that he would not handle a quick trip to a big city.  Even the turn around of a day would be incredibly difficult.  He is not a spontaneous kid and that kind of rushing would not make his mood or behavior suitable for being calm & still.  The reason I am an amazing mom is the best reason not to go...

I wrote the response hopeful to get noticed for ME.  What made it so exciting was that someone recognized the power of my words.  And someone wanted to give me the gift of a photo with my child.   In my excitement to simply be recognized as a mom and to be in the room with one who amazes and inspires me and in my excitement for everyone to see what an amazing little boy I have, I overlooked the weird and wild that comes with traveling with my child. 

So as I finally sat quietly and pondered the best thing to do, I felt in my heart, it was best to not drag Espen to this and I have given back her beautiful gift to me.  Perhaps someday in the future, I will be blessed to be in closer proximity and be able to share my beautiful little boy. 

But for now, I am amazing.  I am honestly a pretty dang cool mom.  And at this moment I am sitting with a little boy who is curled up next to me, quite happy after having ridden his bike with a cell phone free mom all afternoon.  He is quite lucky to have me!  **wink wink**