One year and then....
It has been a little over one year since we closed on the house and fully moved. One year of living in our humble home has left scratched floors, dirty walls, muddy carpets, fingerprinted windows. (A good housekeeper I am not). We live here, it is not a museum, and honestly I'd rather be outside on a warm day than dusting; I'd rather play one more game of UNO than cleaning the walls; I'd rather we create memories than clean messes. So our house is lived in and loved.
Our lives have been under scrutiny for a year. Those that have been here a long time are not sure they want "us" and those that are as new as we are carry the city life skepticism. We have slowly and patiently found our niche and made friends. We have gotten involved in town and school activities. We do our best to recognize the small town and walk softly but firmly so that we can bring change but not make enemies.
And then suddenly something happens that bothers me to my very core. Makes me question my whole self. In brief the situation.... Involved in the school as a volunteer I was approached to consider running for a pto position by the principal. Not having considered it this year I took some time to think and then chatted with him. I wrangled and sweetly asked my new friends to join me and they came around so that we had a nice group who were eager and interested in working on behalf of the school and our children. Election night and WHAM there sit 5 women from my immediate neighborhood. I was blindsided by their sudden "eagerness" to be part of the PTO. One honestly said she had no idea what the PTO did but she was approached and asked to join so she did and one has no children in the school so she has never been part of a school function. As fate has it, those 5 were all elected to the PTO leaving my friends and I sitting no better or worse than we were 2 weeks ago. I absolutely appreciated my friends for taking a plunge at my urging and I apologized for dragging them into a weird situation. And taking the high road, I congratulated and appreciated the newly elected ladies for their interest and wished them well in their efforts on behalf of the families. Because ultimately, the PTO serves the school families not selves. It is not a race to power but a slow process of friend and fund building to make the school and community best for our children.
The thing that is troubling me and angered my husband is the dislike this group of neighbors have for me. It has been fairly clear for a few months because I aligned myself with another neighbor and we approached the neighborhood and board about having chickens. The backlash has been brutal and profound.
I believe that I am friendly to a fault, inclusive to everyone, open minded to change, accepting of differences, fair and humble about serving my community. I believe I am kind, helpful and absolutely a "yes" person. I have professional and personal skills at raising friends and funds. I am a "do-er"~ I get involved and do things (in my family, school, community and area).
The fact that these women in my neighborhood so strongly dislike me shakes me. It irritates me but makes me question my behavior toward others. I was awake late into the night wondering if I am in fact closed minded, unbending, not inclusive and unfriendly. I woke up puzzling over my own actions and behavior and questioning my every interaction with this group in particular but with other people I interact with. I was concerned that being home mommy has impacted my ability to be giving and professional in this society.
My sweet husband felt my discomfort and awake mind last night and reassured me this morning that I am the friendliest, most helpful person he knows... and he laughs them off advising me to "let it go" (sung like a FROZEN song). He knows this is not about a position on the PTO because while I could and would serve the school in that fashion, it is not about power and control for me, but about enhancing the community and using the skills I am gifted with. It is not easy because I am a people pleaser and want my actions and gestures to be reciprocated.
For now I will have to sit with myself and wonder about my actions. I will eventually shake myself out of the slump and care less about how this group react to me. My beautiful friends reminded me.... I am raising a cool kid who is respectful and smart; I am giving the gift of art to my child and my community; I am always ready to help and offer assistance to my family, friends and strangers; I am warm and bring a smile in my interactions. And from the friends, that matters a great deal.
The negative interactions impact us.
A year of small town living... and I managed to get my child in a place he is strongly happy, make amazing friends, get involved in good things and royally piss people off! What a year!
Our lives have been under scrutiny for a year. Those that have been here a long time are not sure they want "us" and those that are as new as we are carry the city life skepticism. We have slowly and patiently found our niche and made friends. We have gotten involved in town and school activities. We do our best to recognize the small town and walk softly but firmly so that we can bring change but not make enemies.
And then suddenly something happens that bothers me to my very core. Makes me question my whole self. In brief the situation.... Involved in the school as a volunteer I was approached to consider running for a pto position by the principal. Not having considered it this year I took some time to think and then chatted with him. I wrangled and sweetly asked my new friends to join me and they came around so that we had a nice group who were eager and interested in working on behalf of the school and our children. Election night and WHAM there sit 5 women from my immediate neighborhood. I was blindsided by their sudden "eagerness" to be part of the PTO. One honestly said she had no idea what the PTO did but she was approached and asked to join so she did and one has no children in the school so she has never been part of a school function. As fate has it, those 5 were all elected to the PTO leaving my friends and I sitting no better or worse than we were 2 weeks ago. I absolutely appreciated my friends for taking a plunge at my urging and I apologized for dragging them into a weird situation. And taking the high road, I congratulated and appreciated the newly elected ladies for their interest and wished them well in their efforts on behalf of the families. Because ultimately, the PTO serves the school families not selves. It is not a race to power but a slow process of friend and fund building to make the school and community best for our children.
The thing that is troubling me and angered my husband is the dislike this group of neighbors have for me. It has been fairly clear for a few months because I aligned myself with another neighbor and we approached the neighborhood and board about having chickens. The backlash has been brutal and profound.
I believe that I am friendly to a fault, inclusive to everyone, open minded to change, accepting of differences, fair and humble about serving my community. I believe I am kind, helpful and absolutely a "yes" person. I have professional and personal skills at raising friends and funds. I am a "do-er"~ I get involved and do things (in my family, school, community and area).
The fact that these women in my neighborhood so strongly dislike me shakes me. It irritates me but makes me question my behavior toward others. I was awake late into the night wondering if I am in fact closed minded, unbending, not inclusive and unfriendly. I woke up puzzling over my own actions and behavior and questioning my every interaction with this group in particular but with other people I interact with. I was concerned that being home mommy has impacted my ability to be giving and professional in this society.
My sweet husband felt my discomfort and awake mind last night and reassured me this morning that I am the friendliest, most helpful person he knows... and he laughs them off advising me to "let it go" (sung like a FROZEN song). He knows this is not about a position on the PTO because while I could and would serve the school in that fashion, it is not about power and control for me, but about enhancing the community and using the skills I am gifted with. It is not easy because I am a people pleaser and want my actions and gestures to be reciprocated.
For now I will have to sit with myself and wonder about my actions. I will eventually shake myself out of the slump and care less about how this group react to me. My beautiful friends reminded me.... I am raising a cool kid who is respectful and smart; I am giving the gift of art to my child and my community; I am always ready to help and offer assistance to my family, friends and strangers; I am warm and bring a smile in my interactions. And from the friends, that matters a great deal.
The negative interactions impact us.
A year of small town living... and I managed to get my child in a place he is strongly happy, make amazing friends, get involved in good things and royally piss people off! What a year!
You are the most real, kind, considerate, giving and generous person I know. If neighbors are finding fault with you it is their problem not yours. Be strong. Do not bend or change for someone else's opinions. Remember: when someone points a finger at you, they have three fingers and a thumb point back at them.
ReplyDeleteYour "neighbors" are passive-aggressive, closed-minded, miserable simpletons that DO NOT MATTER. Keep doing the amazing things you do, keep smiling, keep bringing people together, keep teaching and keep making the world a better place just by being YOU!
ReplyDeleteHey shelly its tia. Text me when u xan 810-447-4476. I have some awesome news for you. Thinking of you and espen n doug often xoxo
ReplyDelete