About Time

Two days ago my husband of nearly 25 years looked at me and said you are so creative with language you should be a writer.  I am not, but I humbly appreciated the message he was conveying and instead of picking up the pen and paper I logged onto my blog.  Two years I have been absent from blogging.  Maybe I was to busy or maybe I did not have anything on my heart to share.  Maybe it ran it's course or perhaps I felt like I needed to silence that part of my brain.  In any event time slipped past and here I am....  in April of 2022.

The year of milestones.  Retirement.  Turning 50.  Espen turning 13.  25 years of marriage.  It is a year of change.  Slow change, things we see coming and can adjust to.  Moments we can look forward to and celebrate.  Events that make us feel old and wonder what comes next.  It is these milestones that make me fret about all I have done and all I have yet to do.  Time.  

Time is such an arbitrary concept.  Explaining it can be a challenge... believe me, I have a child who has a real hard time grasping time and the passage of it.  We are always moving forward in time, never back.  The past is so quickly behind us and we have this moment.  Everyone advises you to live in the moment but learning that takes practice.  People say don't live in the past but sometimes those memories are what hold our present together.  And the future is always unknown.  No matter what we plan it can change in an instant.  

I consistently hear I don't have time to ______ (fill in the blank: volunteer, work, go to doctor, visit my family).  At one point of another (or sometimes daily) I have been guilty of the same thought.  The reality is we do have time.  Each of us has the same number of hours in a day (on that every human on earth is an equal).  We have the ability to plan and schedule what matters and is important to us.  We can choose how we will use our time and be of service.  

My hubby retired from 24 years of government work in December.  Having him home the last few months has been rewarding.  He manages the housework, he picks up from school, he shows up at all the functions and events, he does grocery shopping with me, he forgets his phone and just sits more.  He is present in this moment when for the last 24 years he has been on duty, on call and on edge, responsible for things outside of our lives.  He has time to be of service rather than in service.   

I think that is the distinction of valuing time.  To be OF service or IN service.  Look it up... I sure did.... To be in service means your are employed or responsible to a person or entity in some role.  To be of service means you are assisting a person, group or entity for short or long term.  Such a slight distinction but so full of meaning.  

The last two years perhaps I took time away to be of service to all the things while my husband was in service to his employer.  We both lost track of time.  Time I need to give myself to freely create, to write, to without guilt enjoy this moment with my family.  Time he needs to be an employee and time to be involved as a family man and community member.  Time we need to raise a healthy, productive teen who values more than his video game.  

As our journey continues and this year of milestones keeps passing, there is time.  Time to enjoy my growing child, time to be a family, time to be an employee in a new role, time to be creative, time to be of service to our community.  Time to find a balance. Time to just be and not feel guilt or remorse.  Giving myself that time is enough, there does not have to be any thing else.  

I realize I can not fight the passing of time.  I can't fret about the future or the past.  I can, with grace, allow my time to be of value to me & my family.  

It is about time.....