Listen

Parenting is a strange mix of holding on and letting go.  When my dude was little I signed him up for everything.  We exposed him to all kinds of activities and events.  Sometimes we failed and had to leave early or sit in the lobby or wait out a meltdown.  But we tried.  We learned and soon we signed up for things he was interested in.  Exposing him to the world mattered as his interests were shaped and developed.  We have generally had one firm rule... if we commit to it and pay for it, we have to finish.  If after that there is little interest, we do not have to keep going.  

He is a teen.  In junior high.  He is finishing his last season of baseball with the little league team he has played with for 4 years.  As a parent I hope beyond measure that I am able to sit and watch him play for the school team.  I believe he will play baseball, his desire is there.  Every other school sport I think he has very little interest in.  Not because he has had any bad experiences (he has had amazing and supportive parent coaches that taught, encouraged and smiled when he was just Espen) but simply his interests have changed.  He is not one who wants to be on the sidelines or the bench... he wants to be doing the things with his flashy style all the time.  Team sports don't require individual style (and if you know my child, he has so much style)!  I think he loves band and building things more than his desire to be on the sidelines.  

The reality is when I listen to his words he has some other interests he wants to explore and be amazing at.  Interests that are less 'mainstream' and quirky.  Things that don't require a team.  Things he can shine at because he does them alone (with people but individually).  If I listen to what he wants to do and is excited about, it is not football or wrestling or basketball.  He wants to be amazing as a skater or reaching top flight skills and getting hired when he is 16 to teach flight.  He wants to be in the band.  He wants to act.  These skills are no more or less amazing than being a starter on a team or spending long hours with a team doing the things.  So we will afford these activities because there is value them.  We will celebrate and encourage new tricks and flashy style! 

We have these ideas about how things will go and what our children will do and participate in.  Maybe we want to "fit in" with what is most popular or available in our community.  Sometimes we want our children to do the things we did or didn't do.  We have to be mature enough to let those ideas go when our children express different interests and goals.  It is hard to let go of the ideas but the pure joy in seeing your child happy with their successes makes it all worth it!  

My best parenting advice is to listen.  Listen to your child (as hard as it is).  Listen to what they want to do, what they are interested in (even when you have absolutely no idea what or how to do it).  Really see where their strengths are.  Be accepting of letting go of the things that don't matter to them.  Encourag
e them to find a path that makes them excited and a journey that is both challenging and thrilling!  And then drive them, get them there and support the heck out of them without predisposed ideas of what it is supposed to be.  

(These thoughts and ideas are provided to you free of charge while I sit at an early morning skate lesson in the heat.)